Ted 2 (D- or .5/4 stars)
Ughhhhh. Geez. I really, really did not like 'Ted 2' (directed, co-written, & co-starring - again - by Seth MacFarlane). The original 'Ted' was a relatively unique & obscene comedy that worked - mostly - because the "foul-mouthed, druggy, sexed-up talking bear" gimmick was fresh. The original movie seemed like a one-off and ... it DEFINITELY should have been left that way. Failing to bring anything new to the table, this vulgar, mean-spirited, boring sequel disappointed me greatly. After the events of 'Ted', Ted (voiced by MacFarlane), marries the love of his life, fellow supermarket clerk, Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth, ooh, annoying!). Cut to 1 yr. later, and we see that when Ted & Tami-Lynn's marriage is in trouble. Although Ted has no genitals, they agree that having a baby might save their relationship.
But when they try to adopt a baby, Massachusetts law decides that Ted isn't a 'real' person, but a piece of property. He loses his job and, even his marriage is annulled. So he & his "thunder buddy", John (Mark Wahlberg), hire an inexperienced pro-bono lawyer - the pretty, bong-smoking Sam(antha) L. Jackson (Amanda Seyfried) - to contest his case as a civil rights violation. John (who's now divorced, pregnant Mila Kunis wisely dropped out of the film) starts falling for Sam along the way. But it's a hard fight, & the trio must head to NY for help from lawyer, Patrick Meighan (Morgan Freeman). Unfortunately, super-creepy Hasbro janitor Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) has drawn up another evil plan to kidnap & dissect Ted to figure out a way to manufacture a new line of sentient bears. Stupidity ensues.
I wasn't the biggest 'Ted' fan when it came out a few yrs. ago, but I liked it and, it surprised audiences by being both touching & humorous. Seth MacFarlane did well to enamor us with this profane, yet sweetly amusing bear. We liked the friendship btwn. Ted & John, as well. But something happened btwn. 'Ted' & 'Ted 2'. The vulgar quotient went way up. The profanity went way up. The sexual innuendo went way up. It's mean-spiritedness went way up. Yet the narrative ingenuity & laughs went way down. All around: a huge bummer. Now, there IS a 'fight for social injustice' angle in the story; where impassioned speeches are given about civil rights which are meant to mirror today's political climate. It's my only reason for not giving this an F rating. But even that couldn't save the picture for me.
Roughly 95% of 'Ted 2' is perverted, nasty, & proudly politically-incorrect. Marijuana is referenced every few minutes. Innocent joggers are physically assaulted by our lead trio {I wanted to kick them all in their teeth}. There's an ill-fated visit to a sperm bank which wound up being gross instead of funny. There's a lamebrain sequence in which Ted & John break into Tom Brady's house at night to jerk him off. I mean ... COME ON. All of this is just so imbecilic. The climactic Comic-Con chase sequence falls flat as a pancake. The chemistry btwn. Wahlberg & Ted is weaker this time 'round. Even the celebrity cameos disappointed (or irked me): Jay Leno's blink-&-you'll-miss-him; Liam Neeson buying cereal, etc.. I could go on, but I don't want to anymore. Plainly put, this sequel just stinks.
But when they try to adopt a baby, Massachusetts law decides that Ted isn't a 'real' person, but a piece of property. He loses his job and, even his marriage is annulled. So he & his "thunder buddy", John (Mark Wahlberg), hire an inexperienced pro-bono lawyer - the pretty, bong-smoking Sam(antha) L. Jackson (Amanda Seyfried) - to contest his case as a civil rights violation. John (who's now divorced, pregnant Mila Kunis wisely dropped out of the film) starts falling for Sam along the way. But it's a hard fight, & the trio must head to NY for help from lawyer, Patrick Meighan (Morgan Freeman). Unfortunately, super-creepy Hasbro janitor Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) has drawn up another evil plan to kidnap & dissect Ted to figure out a way to manufacture a new line of sentient bears. Stupidity ensues.
I wasn't the biggest 'Ted' fan when it came out a few yrs. ago, but I liked it and, it surprised audiences by being both touching & humorous. Seth MacFarlane did well to enamor us with this profane, yet sweetly amusing bear. We liked the friendship btwn. Ted & John, as well. But something happened btwn. 'Ted' & 'Ted 2'. The vulgar quotient went way up. The profanity went way up. The sexual innuendo went way up. It's mean-spiritedness went way up. Yet the narrative ingenuity & laughs went way down. All around: a huge bummer. Now, there IS a 'fight for social injustice' angle in the story; where impassioned speeches are given about civil rights which are meant to mirror today's political climate. It's my only reason for not giving this an F rating. But even that couldn't save the picture for me.
Roughly 95% of 'Ted 2' is perverted, nasty, & proudly politically-incorrect. Marijuana is referenced every few minutes. Innocent joggers are physically assaulted by our lead trio {I wanted to kick them all in their teeth}. There's an ill-fated visit to a sperm bank which wound up being gross instead of funny. There's a lamebrain sequence in which Ted & John break into Tom Brady's house at night to jerk him off. I mean ... COME ON. All of this is just so imbecilic. The climactic Comic-Con chase sequence falls flat as a pancake. The chemistry btwn. Wahlberg & Ted is weaker this time 'round. Even the celebrity cameos disappointed (or irked me): Jay Leno's blink-&-you'll-miss-him; Liam Neeson buying cereal, etc.. I could go on, but I don't want to anymore. Plainly put, this sequel just stinks.