The Love Guru (D or 1/4 stars)
'Maurice' Pitka (Mike Myers) returns to the U.S. in order to become a self-help guru in 'The Love Guru', directed by Marco Schnabel. His 1st task is to settle the various troubles that are plaguing a star hockey player, Darren Roanoke (an underused Romany Falco). His wife has left him for a rival player. He's having issues with his mom. And the confidence in his hockey playing abilities is gone. So with the Stanley Cup looming, Darren hopes that Guru Pitka can fix him, pronto. What a stupid, stupid film. Yeah, I laughed, at times. But 'The Love Guru' perfectly defines the term: BAD movie.
Deepak Chopra (Gotham Chopra) is the Numero Uno Guru. He studied with Pitka under the tutelage of Guru Tugginmypudha (Ben Kingsley). And Pitka is tired of playing 2nd fiddle to Deepak. Sure, he has clients/visits from such notables as Jessica Simpson, Val Kilmer & Mariska Hargitay (uttering her name is apparently a new form of Hindu greetings). But Pitka wants bigger acclaim; perhaps a guest spot on Oprah. That just may happen if he's able to get Toronto Maple Leaf's Darren Roanoke as his newest client (he's too stressed to play well).
Maple Leaf owner Jane Bullard (a hot Jessica Alba) needs Darren to get the job done during the Stanley Cup Finals. If Pitka succeeds, he not only would receive a $2 million paycheck and world-wide recognition on Oprah, but he'd ALSO be able to ... unhinge his chastity belt & make love with Jane. Yes, you read it correctly. And so, can Pitka loosen Darren up? Will Darren get his mojo back? Can he then get back together with his wife, Prudence (Meagan Good)? Can Darren re-connect with his authoritative mother (Telma Hopkins, of Family Matters)? The answer to these questions ... a big, fat, who cares?
You know, as atrocious and unfunny as this movie is, it 'does' have its highlights. I quite enjoyed an early musical number in which Myers & and a nameless cast perform '9 to 5' Bollywood-style. It was campy, over-the-top, and outright fun. I also really enjoyed Justin Timberlake as the L.A. Kings' goaltender who stole Prudence away from Darren Roanoke in the first place. His name: Jacques 'Le Coq' Grande. You can assume why his nickname is as such. Some very funny moments stem from this character; and Timberlake plays it up very well. So, yeah, that's what I found entertaining in 'The Love Guru'.
There's a stupid, overlong segment early on in which Pitka gives a self-help seminar using acronyms such as B.L.O.W.M.E. and D.R.A.M.A. Most of the 'comedy' is based in the all-too-familiar bodily-fluid/poop/fart/penis/sex jokey-type of humor. Some of it was comical, but most of it was gross, offensive (involving elephants), & redundant. Ugh, this was just an incredibly long 81 min. for me. 'The Love Guru' is made up of one bad, meandering skit after another. And almost all of them offered DEAD AIR moments (a comedy killer). I know what constitutes smart comedy, or comedy, at all. And this wasn't it. Having just critiqued Run, Fat boy, Run, I could not imagine seeing a film as equally horrid so soon afterwards. I was dead wrong.
Deepak Chopra (Gotham Chopra) is the Numero Uno Guru. He studied with Pitka under the tutelage of Guru Tugginmypudha (Ben Kingsley). And Pitka is tired of playing 2nd fiddle to Deepak. Sure, he has clients/visits from such notables as Jessica Simpson, Val Kilmer & Mariska Hargitay (uttering her name is apparently a new form of Hindu greetings). But Pitka wants bigger acclaim; perhaps a guest spot on Oprah. That just may happen if he's able to get Toronto Maple Leaf's Darren Roanoke as his newest client (he's too stressed to play well).
Maple Leaf owner Jane Bullard (a hot Jessica Alba) needs Darren to get the job done during the Stanley Cup Finals. If Pitka succeeds, he not only would receive a $2 million paycheck and world-wide recognition on Oprah, but he'd ALSO be able to ... unhinge his chastity belt & make love with Jane. Yes, you read it correctly. And so, can Pitka loosen Darren up? Will Darren get his mojo back? Can he then get back together with his wife, Prudence (Meagan Good)? Can Darren re-connect with his authoritative mother (Telma Hopkins, of Family Matters)? The answer to these questions ... a big, fat, who cares?
You know, as atrocious and unfunny as this movie is, it 'does' have its highlights. I quite enjoyed an early musical number in which Myers & and a nameless cast perform '9 to 5' Bollywood-style. It was campy, over-the-top, and outright fun. I also really enjoyed Justin Timberlake as the L.A. Kings' goaltender who stole Prudence away from Darren Roanoke in the first place. His name: Jacques 'Le Coq' Grande. You can assume why his nickname is as such. Some very funny moments stem from this character; and Timberlake plays it up very well. So, yeah, that's what I found entertaining in 'The Love Guru'.
There's a stupid, overlong segment early on in which Pitka gives a self-help seminar using acronyms such as B.L.O.W.M.E. and D.R.A.M.A. Most of the 'comedy' is based in the all-too-familiar bodily-fluid/poop/fart/penis/sex jokey-type of humor. Some of it was comical, but most of it was gross, offensive (involving elephants), & redundant. Ugh, this was just an incredibly long 81 min. for me. 'The Love Guru' is made up of one bad, meandering skit after another. And almost all of them offered DEAD AIR moments (a comedy killer). I know what constitutes smart comedy, or comedy, at all. And this wasn't it. Having just critiqued Run, Fat boy, Run, I could not imagine seeing a film as equally horrid so soon afterwards. I was dead wrong.