Road House (D+ or 1.5/4 stars)
I went into Doug Liman's high-budget actioner 'Road House' - a re-imagining of the 1989 Patrick Swayze cult classic - expecting to experience some dumb-dumb components, but still "enjoy" myself ... boyyy, was I wrong. This version moves the action from Missouri to the Florida Keys, where ex-UFC fighter, Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal), is randomly recruited to be a bouncer by bar owner, Frankie (Jessica Williams), to help keep the peace from a violent gang of locals who routinely come to cause trouble in paradise. Near-suicidal Dalton {as we see in a pulse-racing oncoming train sequence} is haunted by his past, so his sketchy reputation precedes him. Making a lowly living by winning fights that his opponents refuse to partake in {yes, Dalton is THAT good}, he decides to start anew down in the Keys.
At Frankie's bar - simply named 'Road House' - the outwardly calm-cool-collected Dalton is nonplussed by the trouble at hand by that roudy gang. One night, after beating a gaggle of them to a pulp, he funnily drives them to the local hospital {25 minutes away, an odd running joke}, drawing the vexation, as well as the interest, of a beautiful doctor named Ellie (Daniela Melchior). As Dalton's legend of beating the crap outta people grows, that puts him on the radar of the film's main villain, millionaire Ben Brandt (Billy Magnussen), a local gangster who orchestrates all trouble that occurs at Road House and, is determined to take over the property for personal business gain. When Dalton proves to be a continual problem for Ben, he calls in a psychotic henchman named Knox (Conor McGregor) to kill him. Doubles crossings & bloody chaos ensues as Dalton embarks on a destructive revenge tour.
What a stewwwpid movie this is. I liked the initial 10 min. set-up, and the climactic fight impressed me, but nearly everything else about 'Road House' greatly disappointed me. If anything, this version should make people run to seek out the 1989 dumb-actioner, which actually provides decent, intangible entertainment. The best aspect of this movie is absolutely Jake Gyllenhaal. Where all else fails around him, he is the center of the film, and imbues his character with the necessary blunt physicality, but also the cheeky smile that hides a wellspring of inner turmoil. I also commend the overall look of the film which - at such a high budget, BETTER look good - has the polish & sheen of a quality movie ... even if the script is pretty garbagey.
Right off the bat I was irked by the production location of this movie. I have spent a lot of time in the Florida Keys to know that the filming locale of the Dominican Republic would never suffice. Simply put, the topography of the land and the rough seas was a no-brainer indicator that I was not looking at mile marker 77 in the Keys. What else does this movie do wrong? Well, while some of the fight action is great, some of it is CGI-enhanced - which is just ridiculous - and some of the choreography was super telegraphed {I remember a scene in the parking lot of the Road House where a man actually froze in space to brace for an incoming punch from Dalton, rather than to duck or throw his own blow ... I laughed at the incompetence}.
Let's see, what else? We're introduced to 4 female characters in this film who are given virtually NOTHING to do and/or perform their roles poorly. The bar owner, Frankie: little-to-no personality. The sassy bartender: a character introduced with some relish, only to be a non-starter in the end. The little girl in the book shop: an adorable prop who is only there for Dalton to provide $$ to in the film's close. And Ellie the doctor/romantic interest for Dalton? She is completely and utterly there as a plot point and, their non-starter of a romance made me scoff. See, parts of this film - like with Ellie - lack logic, or exhibit instances of 'human behavior' that would never actually happen in the real world. Okay, what else? The man-eating crocodile? Seen that before.
What else? Billy Magnussen - an acclaimed actor - gets to prance around like an utter fool as the main villain; a clown. And yet, when he confronts Dalton at the Road House in a later scene, he's suddenly composed, intelligent & bridled -- make it make sense, script! As for him, his underlings {stewwwpid} and the sh*t-eating-grinned Conor McGregor character ... all cartoon baddies. Despite the $$ thrown at this film + Jake's performance, 'Road House' falls flat with sluggish pacing; AWFUL faux-serious dialogue that is peppered with cheesy, campy one-liners; drab, one-dimensional characters; & a simplistic story that is bereft of originality. This movie made me cringe throughout. Check out the 1989 version for a good time.
At Frankie's bar - simply named 'Road House' - the outwardly calm-cool-collected Dalton is nonplussed by the trouble at hand by that roudy gang. One night, after beating a gaggle of them to a pulp, he funnily drives them to the local hospital {25 minutes away, an odd running joke}, drawing the vexation, as well as the interest, of a beautiful doctor named Ellie (Daniela Melchior). As Dalton's legend of beating the crap outta people grows, that puts him on the radar of the film's main villain, millionaire Ben Brandt (Billy Magnussen), a local gangster who orchestrates all trouble that occurs at Road House and, is determined to take over the property for personal business gain. When Dalton proves to be a continual problem for Ben, he calls in a psychotic henchman named Knox (Conor McGregor) to kill him. Doubles crossings & bloody chaos ensues as Dalton embarks on a destructive revenge tour.
What a stewwwpid movie this is. I liked the initial 10 min. set-up, and the climactic fight impressed me, but nearly everything else about 'Road House' greatly disappointed me. If anything, this version should make people run to seek out the 1989 dumb-actioner, which actually provides decent, intangible entertainment. The best aspect of this movie is absolutely Jake Gyllenhaal. Where all else fails around him, he is the center of the film, and imbues his character with the necessary blunt physicality, but also the cheeky smile that hides a wellspring of inner turmoil. I also commend the overall look of the film which - at such a high budget, BETTER look good - has the polish & sheen of a quality movie ... even if the script is pretty garbagey.
Right off the bat I was irked by the production location of this movie. I have spent a lot of time in the Florida Keys to know that the filming locale of the Dominican Republic would never suffice. Simply put, the topography of the land and the rough seas was a no-brainer indicator that I was not looking at mile marker 77 in the Keys. What else does this movie do wrong? Well, while some of the fight action is great, some of it is CGI-enhanced - which is just ridiculous - and some of the choreography was super telegraphed {I remember a scene in the parking lot of the Road House where a man actually froze in space to brace for an incoming punch from Dalton, rather than to duck or throw his own blow ... I laughed at the incompetence}.
Let's see, what else? We're introduced to 4 female characters in this film who are given virtually NOTHING to do and/or perform their roles poorly. The bar owner, Frankie: little-to-no personality. The sassy bartender: a character introduced with some relish, only to be a non-starter in the end. The little girl in the book shop: an adorable prop who is only there for Dalton to provide $$ to in the film's close. And Ellie the doctor/romantic interest for Dalton? She is completely and utterly there as a plot point and, their non-starter of a romance made me scoff. See, parts of this film - like with Ellie - lack logic, or exhibit instances of 'human behavior' that would never actually happen in the real world. Okay, what else? The man-eating crocodile? Seen that before.
What else? Billy Magnussen - an acclaimed actor - gets to prance around like an utter fool as the main villain; a clown. And yet, when he confronts Dalton at the Road House in a later scene, he's suddenly composed, intelligent & bridled -- make it make sense, script! As for him, his underlings {stewwwpid} and the sh*t-eating-grinned Conor McGregor character ... all cartoon baddies. Despite the $$ thrown at this film + Jake's performance, 'Road House' falls flat with sluggish pacing; AWFUL faux-serious dialogue that is peppered with cheesy, campy one-liners; drab, one-dimensional characters; & a simplistic story that is bereft of originality. This movie made me cringe throughout. Check out the 1989 version for a good time.