Kull the Conqueror (D+ or 1.5/4 stars)
Ever watch a movie that is so BAD that you actually get some mild enjoyment out of picking it apart scene by scene? Well, that's 'Kull the Conqueror' (directed by John Nicolella). Inspired by the characters from the Conan the Barbarian/Conan the Destroyer/Red Sonja trilogy, this epic tale of sword & sorcery stars Kevin Sorbo (hero of TV's Hercules show) as Kull, a barbarian warrior (not unlike Conan) from Atlantis who kills the elderly King of Valusia in the midst of war. And in an accident of fate, the king - in his dying breath - hands Kull his crown; naming him successor. Kull soon learns that holding power also means that your enemies become greater in numbers; as Taligaro (Thomas Ian Griffith), leader of Valusia's Royal Guard, plots to murder him, & ascend to the throne.
Meanwhile, Kull's love for a slave named Zareta (Karina Lombard) is put to the test when he turns his eye to the exotic Akivasha (Tia Carrere). Things are fine for a bit, but Kull doesn't realize that the leather-clad temptress is actually a 3,000 yr. old demon given human form by a sorceress! She bewitches Kull into marrying her; so that, as queen, she could wreak havoc on the kingdom. Given the treachery of Akivasha & Taligaro, Kull doesn't know what to do. So he turns to his friends, Zareta, renegade holy man Ascalante (Litefoot), & a pirate named Juba (Harvey Fierstein, the film's highlight) to travel to the icy north on a quest for ... wait for it ... the breath of the God, Volka. With their help, can Kull survive as King of Valusia, stop Akivasha & put an end to the imminent evil?
See how ridiculous this movie sounds!? {haha} The plot is inane. The visual effects are hokey. The acting is a horror. Kevin Sorbo should stick to Hercules. Tia Carrere can vamp, but that's about it. Harvey Fierstein was a hoot. But I was not invested in anyone's fate. The dialogue is putrid. The action is lame. And the musical score grates. All that said, I kept looking at my friend (Rachelle) sitting next to me in the theater & all we could do was laugh & be entertained by its ineptitude & campiness. In fact, I think she liked it in the end; despite its awful qualities. 'KtC' is a guilty pleasure movie if there ever was one. The film gets a D+ out of me - and not an F - because I was always wondering what level of ineptness was coming up next.
Sword & Sorcery films never have much depth (limited in scope), but there's an element to them that I've always enjoyed. I don't know if it's the epic quality, the bold costumes, the enormous sets, the journey, the sex, the swords clashing, the dark magic, the wizards, demons & beasts; the grandstanding btwn. hero & villain, the bloodshed, the dourness of mood. No one will ever accuse Sword & Sorcery films of being 'smart'. But whatever it is, I've always dug them. So when a S&S film such as 'Kull the Conqueror' is as bad as it is (and PG-13, no less) ... then you KNOW there's no hope for it.
Meanwhile, Kull's love for a slave named Zareta (Karina Lombard) is put to the test when he turns his eye to the exotic Akivasha (Tia Carrere). Things are fine for a bit, but Kull doesn't realize that the leather-clad temptress is actually a 3,000 yr. old demon given human form by a sorceress! She bewitches Kull into marrying her; so that, as queen, she could wreak havoc on the kingdom. Given the treachery of Akivasha & Taligaro, Kull doesn't know what to do. So he turns to his friends, Zareta, renegade holy man Ascalante (Litefoot), & a pirate named Juba (Harvey Fierstein, the film's highlight) to travel to the icy north on a quest for ... wait for it ... the breath of the God, Volka. With their help, can Kull survive as King of Valusia, stop Akivasha & put an end to the imminent evil?
See how ridiculous this movie sounds!? {haha} The plot is inane. The visual effects are hokey. The acting is a horror. Kevin Sorbo should stick to Hercules. Tia Carrere can vamp, but that's about it. Harvey Fierstein was a hoot. But I was not invested in anyone's fate. The dialogue is putrid. The action is lame. And the musical score grates. All that said, I kept looking at my friend (Rachelle) sitting next to me in the theater & all we could do was laugh & be entertained by its ineptitude & campiness. In fact, I think she liked it in the end; despite its awful qualities. 'KtC' is a guilty pleasure movie if there ever was one. The film gets a D+ out of me - and not an F - because I was always wondering what level of ineptness was coming up next.
Sword & Sorcery films never have much depth (limited in scope), but there's an element to them that I've always enjoyed. I don't know if it's the epic quality, the bold costumes, the enormous sets, the journey, the sex, the swords clashing, the dark magic, the wizards, demons & beasts; the grandstanding btwn. hero & villain, the bloodshed, the dourness of mood. No one will ever accuse Sword & Sorcery films of being 'smart'. But whatever it is, I've always dug them. So when a S&S film such as 'Kull the Conqueror' is as bad as it is (and PG-13, no less) ... then you KNOW there's no hope for it.