Cocaine Bear (D+ or 1.5/4 stars)
Loosely based on real events from 1985, 'Cocaine bear' (a graphic action/comedy directed by actress Elizabeth Banks) kicks off with a drug runner (Matthew Rhys) ditching duffel bags chock full of cocaine off an auto-piloted plane into the Georgia wilderness. After the bags fall into the Chattahoochee National Forest, a 500 lb. black bear gets into said bags & quickly becomes addicted. The innocent bear then starts to wreak coke-fueled, bloody havoc. All the while, Missouri drug dealer Syd (Ray Liotta) instructs his #2, Daveed (O'Shea Jackson), to take his grieving son, Eddie (Alden Ehrenreich), to retrieve any remaining duffel bags.
But they aren't the only ones in said forest: 2 13 yr. olds, Dee Dee (Brooklynn Prince, of The Florida Project) & Henry (Christian Convery), skip school so that Dee Dee can paint a waterfall. Eventually Dee Dee's single mom, Sari (Keri Russell), finds out & sets out for them, where she meets park ranger Liz (Margo Martindale), who's trying desperately to flirt with park service administrator, Peter (Jesse Tyler Ferguson). As the disparate groups of rangers, kids & criminals collide in the forest, they must all withstand bloody onslaughts with the cocaine-obsessed bear that's coursing through the woods. Mayhem ensues.
The idea of a cocaine-fueled black bear destroying everyone in its path sounds "so cool, mannnn", but the juvenile concept does not carry an entire 95 minute film; rather, an SNL skit with, ahem, actual humor. I'm sure plenty of audiences will laugh as the visual effect bear starts acting drugged up & then attacking idiot folks. But after a while, 'Cocaine Bear' becomes more of a slasher flick than an outright comedy, & the fake-looking blood spraying, brain splattering, shredded appendages & accidental shootings take hold. Furthermore, it is hard to invest in half-witted characters who exist solely to feed the same monotonous punchline.
The only subplot I remotely cared about was the one btwn. Daveed & Eddie. Eddie not only wants out of the drug kingpin family business, but also wants to be left alone to grieve the recent death of his wife. I liked the ending; concerning them. Ray Liotta died shortly after shooting this project and, I wish he was in a better film near the end of his life. The 'idea' of Margo Martindale as a gun-totin' park ranger is funny on paper. But director Banks - and/or her writing team - just can't bring the funny. Kerri Russell's formulaic 'housemom's gonna kick-ass & retrieve her daughter from danger' arc is very 'been there-done that' weak sauce.
Everything in this movie hinges on the titular joke - not unlike Snakes on a Plane (2006) - but Banks just doesn't do enough with it; period. None of the characters register as interesting, rootable or ... funny. It's all dumb, too; people with guns don't shoot the bear when they have a chance because then ther'd be no movie. The silly concept alone can't do all the work. And, by the way, cool that the story is played for laughs ... but why? I personally find nothing funny about a poor bear addled on drugs that eventually dies {not in this movie, mind you -- gotta keep things light, remember?}. Very few gags land. The phony-looking viscera & gore becomes tiring. This movie seems desperate for a laugh and, well, nothing can be unfunnier than that.
But they aren't the only ones in said forest: 2 13 yr. olds, Dee Dee (Brooklynn Prince, of The Florida Project) & Henry (Christian Convery), skip school so that Dee Dee can paint a waterfall. Eventually Dee Dee's single mom, Sari (Keri Russell), finds out & sets out for them, where she meets park ranger Liz (Margo Martindale), who's trying desperately to flirt with park service administrator, Peter (Jesse Tyler Ferguson). As the disparate groups of rangers, kids & criminals collide in the forest, they must all withstand bloody onslaughts with the cocaine-obsessed bear that's coursing through the woods. Mayhem ensues.
The idea of a cocaine-fueled black bear destroying everyone in its path sounds "so cool, mannnn", but the juvenile concept does not carry an entire 95 minute film; rather, an SNL skit with, ahem, actual humor. I'm sure plenty of audiences will laugh as the visual effect bear starts acting drugged up & then attacking idiot folks. But after a while, 'Cocaine Bear' becomes more of a slasher flick than an outright comedy, & the fake-looking blood spraying, brain splattering, shredded appendages & accidental shootings take hold. Furthermore, it is hard to invest in half-witted characters who exist solely to feed the same monotonous punchline.
The only subplot I remotely cared about was the one btwn. Daveed & Eddie. Eddie not only wants out of the drug kingpin family business, but also wants to be left alone to grieve the recent death of his wife. I liked the ending; concerning them. Ray Liotta died shortly after shooting this project and, I wish he was in a better film near the end of his life. The 'idea' of Margo Martindale as a gun-totin' park ranger is funny on paper. But director Banks - and/or her writing team - just can't bring the funny. Kerri Russell's formulaic 'housemom's gonna kick-ass & retrieve her daughter from danger' arc is very 'been there-done that' weak sauce.
Everything in this movie hinges on the titular joke - not unlike Snakes on a Plane (2006) - but Banks just doesn't do enough with it; period. None of the characters register as interesting, rootable or ... funny. It's all dumb, too; people with guns don't shoot the bear when they have a chance because then ther'd be no movie. The silly concept alone can't do all the work. And, by the way, cool that the story is played for laughs ... but why? I personally find nothing funny about a poor bear addled on drugs that eventually dies {not in this movie, mind you -- gotta keep things light, remember?}. Very few gags land. The phony-looking viscera & gore becomes tiring. This movie seems desperate for a laugh and, well, nothing can be unfunnier than that.