Friday the 13th (D- or .5/4 stars)
Oh my, the 'Friday the 13th' franchise was never a great one. But with this latest film, a 're-imagining' of events which follow the plot of the first 'Friday the 13th', the franchise has lost all steam, all originality, all scares, & all energy. The beginning of this movie, directed by Marcus Nispel, tells us to accept the events of the original 1980 film (as its back story), & forget about the plots of the subsequent 'Friday the 13th' films; as if they never existed. OK. Fine by me. I don't even remember the plots of those other films, anyway. Moving on. The opening scene (actually a prologue) gets things rolling. In short, a small group of young adults go up to Camp Crystal Lake & either disappear or get murdered by the vengeful Jason Voorhees (Derek Mears). One of the missing people is a girl named Whitney (Amanda Righetti), & her brother, Clay (Jared Padalecki), who's gone searching for her. She is being held captive by Jason. No one knows this, yet.
The brunt of the plot, however (and unfortunately), involves another group of post-college guys & girls driving up to a summer home at Crystal Lake. And just who are these idiots? Well, there's Trent (Travis Van Winkle), a stuck-up jock who wants to bang his girlfriend; she is Jenna (Danielle Panabaker). There's a guy named Nolan (Ryan Hansen), I think. Every good looking girl & good looking guy starts to morph into one another at some point. There is also Bree & Chelsea (Julianna Guill, Willa Ford); neither of them are in this very long {wink}. Lawrence (Arlen Escarpeta) is your token black character; so you know he's toast. Chewie (Aaron Yoo) is the token Asian character; ditto. So, yeah, by the end, there are 13 deaths. Some escape. And the credits roll.
When I say that I was not scared once, I mean it. When I tell you that the sex & gore was tame, I mean it. And when I say that with exception to the mildly interesting prologue, the film is absolutely atrocious, I really mean it. 'Friday the 13th: 2009 style' has nothing going for it. I'd even recommend the banal My Bloody Valentine over this. The narrative makes little sense. None of the characters are likeable. None of them are distinguishable. They're all saying & doing stupid things. You could find better acting in a middle school stage play. I became bored 3/4ths of the way through (and it's only 85 minutes long).
On a somewhat positive note, the nude(ish) scenes are a little fun. Some of the deaths are creative; using the requisite knives, axes, arrows, screwdrivers, machetes, etc. Seeing fake blood splatter across the screen always makes me smile a bit (does that make me bad?). But honestly, this film fails because the best horror films (which can never be considered high art, anyway) know how to create unbearable tension for its viewers. That's why people still seek out the original Friday the 13th, & Halloween, & Nightmare on Elm Street. They had that tension. They scared you. You didn't want to look at the screen, but just HAD to. You had nightmares after watching them. You couldn't get the visuals or the music out of your head. There's just none of that here. Nothing, at all. Just cheap shocks. Is it really that hard to come up with an interesting screenplay for a horror movie nowadays? Has the well really run completely dry?
The brunt of the plot, however (and unfortunately), involves another group of post-college guys & girls driving up to a summer home at Crystal Lake. And just who are these idiots? Well, there's Trent (Travis Van Winkle), a stuck-up jock who wants to bang his girlfriend; she is Jenna (Danielle Panabaker). There's a guy named Nolan (Ryan Hansen), I think. Every good looking girl & good looking guy starts to morph into one another at some point. There is also Bree & Chelsea (Julianna Guill, Willa Ford); neither of them are in this very long {wink}. Lawrence (Arlen Escarpeta) is your token black character; so you know he's toast. Chewie (Aaron Yoo) is the token Asian character; ditto. So, yeah, by the end, there are 13 deaths. Some escape. And the credits roll.
When I say that I was not scared once, I mean it. When I tell you that the sex & gore was tame, I mean it. And when I say that with exception to the mildly interesting prologue, the film is absolutely atrocious, I really mean it. 'Friday the 13th: 2009 style' has nothing going for it. I'd even recommend the banal My Bloody Valentine over this. The narrative makes little sense. None of the characters are likeable. None of them are distinguishable. They're all saying & doing stupid things. You could find better acting in a middle school stage play. I became bored 3/4ths of the way through (and it's only 85 minutes long).
On a somewhat positive note, the nude(ish) scenes are a little fun. Some of the deaths are creative; using the requisite knives, axes, arrows, screwdrivers, machetes, etc. Seeing fake blood splatter across the screen always makes me smile a bit (does that make me bad?). But honestly, this film fails because the best horror films (which can never be considered high art, anyway) know how to create unbearable tension for its viewers. That's why people still seek out the original Friday the 13th, & Halloween, & Nightmare on Elm Street. They had that tension. They scared you. You didn't want to look at the screen, but just HAD to. You had nightmares after watching them. You couldn't get the visuals or the music out of your head. There's just none of that here. Nothing, at all. Just cheap shocks. Is it really that hard to come up with an interesting screenplay for a horror movie nowadays? Has the well really run completely dry?