Rock of Ages (C or 2/4 stars)
'Rock of Ages' (based on a wildly popular musical play, & directed by Adam Shankman, Hairspray) is a rainbow concoction of 1980s excess & awesome music. Featuring over 20 covers of hits by Foreigner, Journey, Poison, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, REO Speedwagon, Starship, Styx, Twisted Sister Guns N' Roses, Whitesnake, Pat Benatar & the like ... this popcorn movie puts the music first and, well, everything else comes second.
Sherrie (Julianne Hough), a perky blonde from Kansas with crystal-blue eyes arrives by bus in Hollywood {oh, how original}. After her suitcase is stolen {and an AWFUL scene follows this}, she is "rescued" by Drew (Diego Boneta) who shares her dream of becoming a rock singer. He works at The Bourbon Room (famous for igniting rock band careers) run by Dennis Dupree & Lonny (Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand). He convinces them to hire Sherrie as a waitress. They fall in love {duh} until their relationship is put in jeopardy by rock god Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise), an oversexed, slithering, boozy, & narcissistic rock star whose wildly popular band is playing at The Bourbon Room. When the opening act drops out, Drew & his band get the chance of a lifetime.
Jaxx gives an incoherent interview to music reporter Constance (Malin Akerman) & flirts with Sherrie which leads Drew to think she has cheated on him {screenwriting 101, people}. Meanwhile, outside The Bourbon Room, a band of committed conservative Christians led by Patricia Whitmore (Catherine Zeta-Jones), the mayor's militant wife, start a demonstration against Stacee Jaxx. Her ultimate goal is to clean up the Strip by closing down The Bourbon Room & getting rid of all the pervs & drug addicts who go there. She poses a problem for Dennis & Lonny's Bourbon Room. But they are also facing a mounting tax debt, and are being jerked around by Stacee Jaxx's greedy agent (Paul Giamatti). Eye-rolling melodrama & kick-ass songs ensue.
With the setting being 1987 Los Angeles, that allows this production to provide garish '80s decor, hairstyles, costumes, & (some) cool choreography; lending to an overall cheesy enjoyability. I smiled often enough throughout. But while some of the smiles were involuntary, some also stemmed from embarrassment. There's nothing unique or endearing about the movie. There's barely a storyline. The dialogue is piss-poor. But it offers intermittent doses of guilty pleasure & fun music.
Julianne Hough cannot act, but she sure is cute. Diego Boneta is fine {and looks freakishly like Matthew McConaughey). Alec Baldwin? Meh. Russell Brand? Double meh {and I usually like him}. Zeta-Jones' performance is all about over-the-top camp farce. And Tom Cruise always gives 110%. He has tons of fun throwing himself into the whole 1980s heavy metal, spaced-out, womanizing, glam rocker shtick. But the problem for Cruise is that he gives an almost completely straight performance {and it's a good one} inside an inherently silly movie. There's a great song every 3 min., so Cruise can't give Stacee Jaxx a narrative arc that really isn't there. And I sometimes felt that Cruise was trying too hard to make an impact; when he already made one by just being said character in this movie.
Director Shankman keeps his tongue in his cheek & goes way over-the-top with the '80s shtick. It's barely a "film"; basically, it's 20 musical videos with various actors karaoke-ing it up. But all that said, I'd be surprised if you don't quietly sing "I Want to Know What Love Is" while Tom Cruise simulates sex on a pool table; grimace as "Can't Fight This Feeling" is used as the gay romantic anthem; or toe-tap to the strange juxtaposition of "We Built This City" & "We're Not Gonna Take It", with the rockers singing the former & the conservative activists singing the latter, etc.. Take whatever small treats you can from the movie. The cast appears to be having a blast. Just expect bottom-of-the-barrel screenwriting to go along with all the cheesy fun.
Sherrie (Julianne Hough), a perky blonde from Kansas with crystal-blue eyes arrives by bus in Hollywood {oh, how original}. After her suitcase is stolen {and an AWFUL scene follows this}, she is "rescued" by Drew (Diego Boneta) who shares her dream of becoming a rock singer. He works at The Bourbon Room (famous for igniting rock band careers) run by Dennis Dupree & Lonny (Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand). He convinces them to hire Sherrie as a waitress. They fall in love {duh} until their relationship is put in jeopardy by rock god Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise), an oversexed, slithering, boozy, & narcissistic rock star whose wildly popular band is playing at The Bourbon Room. When the opening act drops out, Drew & his band get the chance of a lifetime.
Jaxx gives an incoherent interview to music reporter Constance (Malin Akerman) & flirts with Sherrie which leads Drew to think she has cheated on him {screenwriting 101, people}. Meanwhile, outside The Bourbon Room, a band of committed conservative Christians led by Patricia Whitmore (Catherine Zeta-Jones), the mayor's militant wife, start a demonstration against Stacee Jaxx. Her ultimate goal is to clean up the Strip by closing down The Bourbon Room & getting rid of all the pervs & drug addicts who go there. She poses a problem for Dennis & Lonny's Bourbon Room. But they are also facing a mounting tax debt, and are being jerked around by Stacee Jaxx's greedy agent (Paul Giamatti). Eye-rolling melodrama & kick-ass songs ensue.
With the setting being 1987 Los Angeles, that allows this production to provide garish '80s decor, hairstyles, costumes, & (some) cool choreography; lending to an overall cheesy enjoyability. I smiled often enough throughout. But while some of the smiles were involuntary, some also stemmed from embarrassment. There's nothing unique or endearing about the movie. There's barely a storyline. The dialogue is piss-poor. But it offers intermittent doses of guilty pleasure & fun music.
Julianne Hough cannot act, but she sure is cute. Diego Boneta is fine {and looks freakishly like Matthew McConaughey). Alec Baldwin? Meh. Russell Brand? Double meh {and I usually like him}. Zeta-Jones' performance is all about over-the-top camp farce. And Tom Cruise always gives 110%. He has tons of fun throwing himself into the whole 1980s heavy metal, spaced-out, womanizing, glam rocker shtick. But the problem for Cruise is that he gives an almost completely straight performance {and it's a good one} inside an inherently silly movie. There's a great song every 3 min., so Cruise can't give Stacee Jaxx a narrative arc that really isn't there. And I sometimes felt that Cruise was trying too hard to make an impact; when he already made one by just being said character in this movie.
Director Shankman keeps his tongue in his cheek & goes way over-the-top with the '80s shtick. It's barely a "film"; basically, it's 20 musical videos with various actors karaoke-ing it up. But all that said, I'd be surprised if you don't quietly sing "I Want to Know What Love Is" while Tom Cruise simulates sex on a pool table; grimace as "Can't Fight This Feeling" is used as the gay romantic anthem; or toe-tap to the strange juxtaposition of "We Built This City" & "We're Not Gonna Take It", with the rockers singing the former & the conservative activists singing the latter, etc.. Take whatever small treats you can from the movie. The cast appears to be having a blast. Just expect bottom-of-the-barrel screenwriting to go along with all the cheesy fun.